It is woven from an amazingly durable blend of silk, chicken feathers, and human hair. Or, at least it was. While trying to woo a lady with the amazing culinary skills Arthur Cornwallace the Third (also known as Cornwallace the Magnificent) learned after two weeks of watching the Food Network nonstop, he had a small accident. When he added the wine to make a pan sauce, he forgot to turn off the burner and sloshed some onto the carpet. The resulting fire was so incredibly stinky that none of the volunteer firemen showed up, and Cornwallace was left to fend for himself trying to fight a fire with a large sauce pan and a bottle of merlot. Fortunately for him, hair burns quickly, and the fire only lasted about 300 seconds. The resulting stink was so entrenched in the apartment that it was condemned. Later, three hobos and their quintuplet of cats took up residence. They describe the smell as "earthy."